Can anyone help me to correct this TOEFL essay? Thank you very much!?
7. Which kind of universities do you prefer, universities whose graduates can find good jobs or universities where there are famous professors? As we all know, studying in universities is a very essential part of the development of people. Which type of universities we choose to attend will affect our whole lives. Some people like universities that can provide good jobs. However, from my own perspective, I prefer universities where there are famous professors. First of all, studying in this kind of university enables us to acquire more knowledge and master more skills. Famous professors can not only make their students interested in the courses they take, but also impart the most advanced theories to their students. For example, my brother Kim studied at Yale University and he majored in economy. Although he often had a lot of different types of assignments to do everyday, which stressed him out sometimes, he always felt happy since he can attain a great amount of knowledge and the latest economical messages from his encyclopedic professors. In fact, acquiring sufficient knowledge is the cornerstone of finding a good job. After graduated, he offered an admission letter from a multinational company and now he becomes the manager of his enterprise. Secondly, famous professors often provide their students with many opportunities to take part in some research projects by which students will not only have a deeper understanding of the courses they take, but also learn how to cooperate with other people and improve their social skills. Take my sister Jane for example. She majors in economy at New York University. In her second year, she joined a research project conducted by her distinguished professor Robert where she and her two classmates were in charge of surveying the financial conditions of all the banks in the United States. During this process, she not only had awareness of how banks worked, but also learned how to communicate with her team members and make compromises to finish this task efficiently. Finally she got a decent grade in this subject. So famous professors can offer you something that do not appear in our textbooks. Admittedly, universities whose graduates can find good jobs may have their own advantages to some extent. After all, the reason why people go to universities is that they want to get a decent job in the future, and universities like these may make their dreams come true. But there is no denying the fact that it is knowledge and social skills that make us get good jobs. Those universities whose graduates can find good jobs do not pay enough attention to education, which exerts negative effects on the development of a person and makes people less competitive resulting in the unemployment eventually. In a nutshell, it would not be too great an exaggeration to say that we ought to select the universities having celebrated professors, due to the fact that we can acquire more knowledge and master enough social skills, which is really conducive to our development.
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- I just edited the grammar a little bit. You might consider shortening your sentences a little bit, also. But overall I think it's very good. :) As we all know, studying in universities is a very essential part of the development of people. Which type of *university* we choose to attend will affect our whole lives. Some people like universities that can provide good jobs. However, from my own perspective, I prefer universities where there are famous professors. First of all, studying in this kind of university enables us to acquire more knowledge and master more skills. Famous professors can not only make their students interested in the courses they take, but also impart the most advanced theories to their students. For example, my brother Kim studied at Yale University and he majored in *economics*. Although he often had many different types of assignments to do everyday, which stressed him out sometimes, he always felt happy since he *could* attain a great amount of knowledge and the latest economical messages from his encyclopedic professors. In fact, acquiring sufficient knowledge is the cornerstone of finding a good job. After *graduation, a multinational company offered him an admission letter* and now he is the manager of his enterprise. Secondly, famous professors often provide their students with many opportunities to take part in some research projects by which students will not only have a deeper understanding of the courses they take, but also will learn how to cooperate with other people and improve their social skills. Take my sister Jane for example. She majors in *economics* at New York University. In her second year, she joined a research project conducted by her distinguished professor, Robert, where she and her two classmates were in charge of surveying the financial conditions of all the banks in the United States. During this process, she not only had awareness of how banks worked, but also learned how to communicate with her team members and make compromises to finish this task efficiently. Finally she got a decent grade in this subject. So famous professors can offer you something that *does* not appear in our textbooks. Admittedly, universities whose graduates can find good jobs may have their own advantages to some extent. After all, the reason why people go to universities is that they want to get a decent job in the future, and universities like these may make their dreams come true. But there is no denying the fact that it is knowledge and social skills that make us get good jobs. Those universities whose graduates can find good jobs do not pay enough attention to education, which exerts negative effects on the development of a person and makes people less competitive resulting in the unemployment eventually. In a nutshell, it would not be too great an exaggeration to say that we ought to select the universities having celebrated professors, due to the fact that we can acquire more knowledge and master enough social skills, which is really conducive to our development.
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