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Does this make me Superficial or Judgmental???? How do I find an independent man?

To refuse to date men who live at home with parents (of course discluding anyone who are actually taking care of aging parents, and not using that as a fake excuse). I also don't get the "I'm in school" thing either past 25ish, I mean people work and go to school. Adults of all ages, older adults 40+ go back to school all the time, but they don't move back in with mom to do it.... I really try to not be judgmental in my daily living, but I guess as someone who has been completely on her own since 20, often times working multiple jobs, I find this a hard thing to accept. I am only 24, I like older guys, so I'm talking men in late 20s to mid 30s. I am not looking for a rich guy, just a man who can support himself just in a small studio apt. Is it our economy now? I know our economy has took a turn, but I do believe if there's a will, there's a way, side jobs, volunteering for some overtime, etc. Why am I meeting more and more men who live at home? How do I find an independent man???? I do have this same opinion for both men and women. Husker, I am in the midwest, in IL! Where are these men you speak of? Any phone numbers you can pass along to me? LOL

Public Comments

1. Submit an ad. Write: WANTED! A good man! Man must know to cook and clean! If not, I will show you how! Man must have job!! We will need lots and lots of money for man to support me!!!"
2. It is not superficial to want a like partner. You're a grown-up, you need to date other grown-ups. You're going to have difficulty finding much in common with a "man" living with his parents when you have been independent for so long. I went though the same thing, I was 16 when I moved out on my own and it wasn't long before I had very little in common with my peers who all still lived with their parents. I had to work, I had bills to pay, I had responsibilities, my old friends could not relate and so we grew apart. You won't respect a man unless he has ambition. That is fine. It's better you realize this than try to settle with a man who will never be quite on the same level as you. There's a guy out there for you just as there is a girl for that slob in his mother's basement. ETA: TheOne and I have completely opposite answers yet I don't disagree. Of course, just because a man lives at home past a certain age doesn't mean he is a slob sponging off his parents, I don't want to exclude that exception to the rule. Even in some cultures it is perfectly normal for adult children to remain in the home past thirty. However, as independent as that man once was, when he returns to his parental home it's going to be difficult for him not to regress into his submissive childhood role and let his parents handle the responsibilities. Then what you have is a man not suitable for a woman looking for a real man, not a boy. To address sexism, I would apply the same to women living with their parents.
3. i think the economy has changed how we live and exist in this world. i know of families moving in together to save money. i know of grown children (some with their own families) moving in with their parents. people living with parents (not just to take care of each other, but because of financial reasons) is very much becoming normal nowadays. i think you need to change the way you look at guys. a guy can be independent and still live at home - especially in these hard times. peace.
4. Nope, you are being perfectly reasonable, and actually have very minimal expectations. I wonder what part of the country you are in? There are plenty of eligible and independent guys here in the midwest, though almost all of them are married before they hit 30.
5. Have you read all the articles about the economy lately, and how many people over the age of 25 now have to live with their parents because of financial reasons? Sure, if the guy is a lazy schlep with no goals or ambitions other than to bleed his parents dry, then yes that would be a loser in my eyes. But if he is smart, hard working, loyal and had goals and ambitions - but is just going through some hard times - then no I would not judge him for that or find him unsuitable. Just think - you are probably passing up some really great guys who will be independent and successful in their careers in about 5 years or so.
6. You're not wrong for wanting an independent man. In a relationship, both partners have certain responsibilities, especially when they might be creating children, and if a man can't support himself, how can you expect him to support you or your future family? You have every right to be concerned enough about this to be a deal breaker. I find it strange though that you're having difficulty finding independent men, because even if there was a live at home trend, most men of that age group are independent. Fewer independent men will be available, because they generally have their life together and can maintain a relationship, but they're still out there. Just keep looking, find opportunities to flirt with men and take initiative. If you're concerned about flirting with a man before you know whether or not he's independent, a good trick would be to find men when they are working so you already know they have a job.
7. I was going to say you were judgmental or stuck-up, but you did say the guy doesn't have to be rich - so I applaud you for that. But to look down a guy living with his parents I think is a double-standard - why is it okay for women to live with their parents? Women want to be treated equal today, right? So we should view women living with parents with the same lack of respect that we view men. I'm a guy - I've lived on my own since I was 18. I'm in my late 20's now.
8. I think you want someone with a good work ethic and who is careful with their money. So they won't come to rely on you in the future. I think it is important to aim for some of the things you have on your 'man' list. These days life is expensive and it costs even more if you want to bring children into it. I married a hard working man with a decent but not obscene wage - and I can tell you now that we have a mortgage and children we really do need the money to survive. You don't want a bludger - and good on you. The living at home thing may be a bit harsh - especially at early to mid 20's. As long as he has some savings or a good career, I wouldn't care where they live - if they are at home, then they may be saving money for a house of their own later on. Go girl!!!