Jobs Simply

kind of paralyzed by fear?

The past several yrs of my career have been difficult. though currently unemployed, Ive built a career in sales &unfortunately the stress that comes along in any sales job was exacerbated by having truly psychotic managers. The one company where I was respected &truly loved working for, I left several yrs ago for a higher paying job I was at the higher paying job for about three yrs &I received unrelenting scrutiny/criticism I daily. I actually became the scapegoat for dismal sales performance of the entire sales team. Basically, whenever my boss got flack from above, he cited me as the problem. But in retrospect, I really was doing a good job- I just happened to be the perfect person to blame. Unfortunately, three yrs of literally spending every waking moment practicing &studying to time after time be told I wasnt reaching unattainable expectations, I came home &sobbed everyday. I lost all confidence &ended up believing that I wasnt good enough. I actually completely forgot who I was &the qualities Ive that have allowed me to be successful in life. At 1st, I began to search for new jobs that I wouldnt have to take a major pay cut. During that time I went to dinner with the owner of the company of which Id left for the higher paying job &a co-worker who Id actually been friends with long before. We werent best friends but had run in the same social crew for yrs. We went to dinner to discuss me possibly coming back. At that time, I was obviously extremely upset yet I couldnt share any of that with them. They didnt have any positions open.right then but we did discuss income. I cited what my current salary was &although I dont recall exactly what I said, I went away with the feeling that I kinda showed my azz &possibly offended them by saying I wanted to be paid higher than they could offer. (I do tend to fear the worst though) Anyhow, I finally left the miserable gig to take another one that was actually in direct competition with the company I loved. That job had its own drama &the epitome of crazy managers. i.e. my mgr got demoted at 4pm on my 1st day. The economy was bad, I was just happy to not be at my old job &I pretended the pressure, scrutiny &constant criticism didnt affect me. Though it did I am not just one of those idiots who screws up, gets called out on it by my boss &then blames it on them. I am one of those people who is good at what I do, but since I may do things differently or whatever have found myself time after time getting into situations where I am seemingly despised by mgmt though all done through “constructive criticism”. So I am the master of self reflection &owning up to mistakes &being committed to constantly improving. Out of the blue, I was contacted by the owner of a company to leave that job &go to work for him. He literally wooed me &when I accepted the position, he was MIA. The job was nothing like he described &I was stuck working with people who hated me from the get go bc the owner went around them to hire me (unknown to me at the time)...the whole situation was crappy, yet again, deep down I knew what I was capable of &was determined to see it through. Then 3 months later, Im blindsighted &let go, So now I am currently on UE &literally scared to move. My entire career has been in sales, yet everyone close to me thinks I should stay away. On Tuesday, I saw that the one company in which I worked for &loved- was hiring again. I forced myself to overcome my fear &sent my friend who works there this (has actually moved way up in the company) I sent her an email saying hello, that I saw they were seeking new reps. I asked if they still were &if so, to please let me know as I would love to come back. The reason I forced myself to is bc under all of my fear, I know for a fact that I did an amazing job while I was there &have the sales numbers to prove it. I was scared bc of the dinner we had &the possibility my friend had heard of my trouble with last job. (which could likely just be me overthinking things &expecting the worse) however- it is now thursday night &Ive yet to receive a reply from my friend. SO I am trying to build up enough confidence to say screw it &make stuff happen. But Im trying to also determine whether or not this is a fight I need to be fighting (should I really be making this hard of an effort to get back into sales??) Im contemplating emailing the big boss or calling her & just deleting the dinner from my memory. She loved me when I worked for her &that dinner was 3 yrs ago. Im seeking advice &encouragement via strangers as my fam/friends are too close to be objective. I remember now that I do have every reason to be confident, its just been so long, I'm terrified almost to come out of this shell Ive put around me. So, what are your thoughts? Please help me overcome my fears! please dont be mean, I will cry

Public Comments

1. I would go ahead and call. Better to know the answer sooner than later. If it's no, you won't die. You'll be sad, but you'll be free to move ahead. I have a real hard time with difficult bosses, too, so I started my own company. I'm also good at what I do and know it. I've been self-employed now for 14 years and although there have been ups and downs, life has been kinder. I suggest rather than looking for a job, you look for ways to earn money. They aren't the same thing. There are service industries/jobs/businesses that require little up-front investment. A website and your go to go. When I was transitioning from marketing consulting work to what I do now, I earned enough to pay the bills by doing odd jobs. I used the internet to learn what I needed when people called to ask me to do it. My sales skills make it easy for me to land the jobs. You must have skills to do something else. Maybe you can mow lawns. Maybe you can be a personal assistant. Try a few things until you find something people are willing to pay you a decent fee to do. If you're good at sales, you know that price competition isn't the only way to sell. Sometimes it's a sense of quality or whatever edge you have over the local competition. Good luck.