is parents' job is to just provide food and clothing?
ok here's the situation. i am 15 yrs old, i have 11 years twin sibling, a 13 years old bro, and a 24 years old sis. my mom hardly ever cooks anymore. she thinks we are old enough to take care of ourselves. everyone has a chore in the house. but im the only one with the worst one. cleaning dishes. there's 7 people in our house. and most of them eat like pigs using multiple plates at a time. so it usually takes me at least 45 minutes up to 1 hr 30 min. and i hate to stand on my feet! everyone else has a chore that take like 5-10 minutes to do and most of them don't do so my parents make me do it!!! all my dad cares about is if we have money for food. we usually goes to a Supermarket everyday to buy our own lunch and dinner because like i said mom hardly ever cooks. and when she cooks she only cooks for my dad. it seems like the only person she cares about is dad. she does everything for him w/o complaining and he always disrespect her and she just laugh it off, but when she does one thing for her kids, she started yelling a Louis in malcolm in the middle. then when it comes to laundry she says she's not going to do our own laundry anymore(we don't have a washer/dryer, if we does i can do mine all by myself) sometimes me and my bro goes to the laundromat ourselves and sometimes we have to drag the laundry bags by ourselves all the way(which is like a 5 Minutes walk) and every1 always stares at us. my dad has a car, but he always complaining and yelling at us saying we are too lazy and stuff so most of the time when we want to go somewhere, if we have our own money, we take the bus if we don't, we walk no matter how long it is.(one day i had to walk for 1hr to go to the library). and get this we are not allowed to socialize with our friends at all; mostly because our house is a ghetto mess and we are too broke to fix it(well my dad is not but he doesn't care what his house looks like saying its a waste of money. everything he does for us is a waste of money. if he give us 20 bucks for lunch and sometimes dinner ($5 per person) he says he's just wasting his money. i really hate this life i wish it could be better. if i got sick and i told my mom she ignores me and acts like she doesn't hear me. but if my dad says he has an headache, she's the first to suggest various types of pills he can use to care them. and when i tries to tell her about this, she says i'm a spoiled brat(which is kind of stupid considering we are broke). then she says she's the boss of the house and i can't tell her what to do. it is very annoying. yesterday she started yelling at me because of something my sis did and i told her she shouldn't have done it but she thinks im trying to control every1. and also she is so sexist just like my dad and my sis. we wouldn't let my bros do anything just because they are guys. if i have a problem i cannot even goes to them and tell them about it because i do not trust them. there's no trusted adult in my life. it really sucks. now she and my older sis is threatening to beat the hell out of me. and i told them to. this is just a few of the things i can think of. there's so much more. i cried yesterday because my mom yells at me for no reason and we she told me to arrange the dishes, she was like "if u drop those plates on me, i'm going to hurt you back and i do not care about what happens" i was so mad that i said "why did u have 5 kids we you are not going to to take care of them?" she almost hit me then she called my dad and told him i called her a bad mother. then she told me that if i didn't like her then i should find a new mom since this is america. then she started talking about how i'm hanging out with bad friends(which is so not true because i don't associate myself with bad people). this is situation is so horrible that i even consider calling child services. but i do not know their number. they really need to learn how to take care of their kids. and here is what makes it even worse. there's this woman who has 2 children and she always brings them over to hang out at our house. u should see my parents drooling over this kids. they have never take care of us like that. EVER. they would do everything for this kids. if they ask them for something, they would do it gladly. and if it was us, they would start yelling at us. they always do this. they always treats their friend's children 1 million times better than they treat us. and they always help others but not us. is there anything i can do? do u think this situation is worth calling child services? i do not really have the guts to do this becuase i am scared of my da like hell. i'm even more scared of him than i am of God. please help. i am not a spoiled brat. you should really come over to my house and see what really goes on day to day. don't insult me if you do not know what my life is really like!! ok, i am asking people what i should do not asking for insults. and they are not normal families. they knows nothing about their kids, nothing!! and they do not care enough. like i said is hat they treat everyone better than us. they are always nice and helpful to other people; but when it comes with their own blood; for some reason they find it dificult to even talk to us about anything. and my old sis is still living with us becuase of a problem she has. which is going to take about 6 months to 1 years to resolve. i do my chores everyday and i always has to do everyone's else. i cannot trade chores becuase i tried to do that before and my parent would not allow it. so you should really think i need to suck it up for 3 more years? or do something about it?
Public Comments
- A parents' responsibility is to provide food, clothing, shelter, utilities, medical care, education, etc. It's not against the law for them to make you clean the dishes, and it's not against the law for them to have a run-down house because there's no money to fix it. And yes, $5 per person is a lot of money for a meal! You can get a single frozen dinner for half that (or less) at a supermarket, and supplies to cook a dinner for a lot less than that. LOL, I'd be flat broke - well, I already am, but I'd have been broke a lot sooner - if I always spent that kind of money on food!
- You sound like a spoilt brat. I'm not surprised your parents are annoyed with you all the time. If you just hurried up and did the dishes when you are supposed to it would not take so long, you are probably dragging it out by being lazy and slow. And a 5 minute walk to the laundrette is nothing, you probably need the exercise. Stop complaining and start asking what you can do for your parents instead of what they can do for you. Do you know how difficult it is to hold down a job and raise and support children? Go ahead and call child services, they will laugh their heads off. You asked for people's opinions and to me you sound like a spoilt brat. Don't you know in some places kids have to walk miles for a drink of dirty water and don't get any food? Complaining about doing dishes and walking 5 minutes to the laundrette is ridiculous. I told you what you should do, ask what you can do for your parents. Do your chores quickly and without complaining, be nice and helpful to them. Appreciate what they do for you, then they in turn will feel better disposed towards you. If you call social services they will investigate and then realise that your parents are not treating you badly at all. Then it will be worse for you because social services won't take you away and your parents will be very angry with you and probably treat you even worse.
- Wow...I'm sorry I can't answer your question. It's WAY too long. For future reference, you should break any long question into paragraphs to make it easier for us to read.
- I think you definitely need to talk to someone about this. Like a school counselor for starts. I am so sorry you feel like this every day and it definitely sounds like your mom is selfish and your exactly right in asking why she had 5 kids when she doesnt even take care of them. and i cant believe you have to get your own food and fend for yourselves daily. i understand once in a while or making yourself a lunch every day, but your mother sounds like she has taken it to an extreme. try talking to a friends parent about it and see what they can offer you for support or help. good luck! and if things stay like this or worsen dont ever hesistate to call social services.
- It is possible to make an anonymous phone call to child welfare. The best way to do it is probably to call from a pay phone sometime when you are out somewhere. You don't give your name, and there is nothing to connect you to the call. They will check it out, but it may take a while because unfortunately they have very heavy case loads. To find the number to call, you can do an internet search on "report child abuse" and your state. Or you can look in the front of the phone book and find the police non-emergency number, and they can give you the number you need to call. Don't use 911 for this unless someone is actually in danger. Good luck!
- You sure got the raw end of the deal. :(. I don't know why some people decide to have kids if they are just going to treat them like crap. I can't imagine treating my kids like that. Really think hard about calling CPS because it could very well make the situation worse. I don't think CPS would do anything anyways because what they are doing is not considered illegal or abuse. Making you walk places is not illegal nor is making you do chores or giving you money to buy food. If CPS does think you are in an abusive home, then they would take you away from your home and place you with strangers. How would you know your new situation would be any better, it could very well be FAR worse! You will most likely be separated from your siblings too.
- Wow... don't forget shelter. Food, Clothing and Shelter are the basic needs in life. Sounds as if you do have it kind of tough. But cooking for yourself will help you in the future. I get tired of doing dishes too. Seems like that's all I do. It's amazing how many dishes two people can dirty in a day. But I'd rather have a clean kitchen any day than watch them pile up. What if you got a wagon to pull your laundry in. You're 15; what about some kind of part-time job. Perhaps that Saturday night baby-sitter. Go see the nearest pastor or priest. Or even someone at your school. Any of these choices can advise you better than strangers on Yahoo Answers. Whatever you decide, children services, school or a church, there is no turning back.
- well, when you are 18 you can move and never talk or see your parents again, ever, you could call Social services and say you are being abused and have them come and check things out, and if you are, then they will take you away to foster care.. making you do dishes for the family, no matter how long it takes is NOT abuse.. NOR is not trusting your parent.. I never did, nor did any of my friend growing up.. your family sounds as normal as mine did growing up and other peoples I knew..
- Wow! I am sorry for the situation you are in. I would tell you to suggest trading chores for a week with your other siblings, but by the way you described your mother I think that wouldn't be a very good idea. I dunno if you can call child services unless you are physically, sexually, and mentally abused. You also have clothes and food so I don't think that social services would pay much attention to you. Do you have any other family members that you can go stay with? Its hard when you are only 15 because you have three more years to put up with all this. What I would do is try to find someone else to live with I don't know what else to tell you. Your mother sounds like she just got tired of caring for all you kids, but your right why did she have all of you guys if she isn't going to take care of you? I hope you can find the help you need.
- You are 15 and your only chore is to do the dishes? In three years, you will go off to college and have to do EVERYTHING by yourself. No, your parents are not abusing you in any way to be asking your siblings to share chores. Back in the old days, my mom and her sisters had to do EVERYTHING in the house (cooking, cleaning, handwashing, taking out the trash) as soon as they hit 9 years old. They grew up to be wonderful women and long way from being lazy. They have NO resentment whatsoever to be ordered to do "so much work." You're not gonna be living in that piece of crap house for long anyway. I suggest you suck it up until you leave. The youngest of your siblings are 11, they can do plenty by themselves. My sister just hit 12 and is walking to and from the bus stop to get to school every morning and afternoon. A little walking will do you good, especially when you go to college, every building will be far away. And you will be lucky to score an apartment "close" to where your university is. Really, grow up. In the end, this is benefiting you. Unless you want to be a clingy hobo, like your older sister. She should of left ages ago.
- You can call social services if you would like, but there is no guarantee that you will get a better home within the social system. Some kids find themselves in worse situations than the ones they came from. There is also the option of becoming an emancipated minor. It involves going through the courts, however, and you would have to prove that you could care for yourself. Being asked to do dishes is not that big of a deal. I grew up having to do even more chores than you. I had to mop the kitchen floor, clean the bathrooms, and occasionally do dishes as well. Being part of a family means participating in chores. It sucks, but there it is. As for the other things about your mom refusing to cook and do laundry, and near physical abuse, I would suggest that you go to your school counselor and ask if your parents could be enrolled in parenting classes. Maybe they are raising you the same way they were raised and don't realize that there is a better way to do things.
- Sounds like you got the bad end of the bargain. Sorry to hear that. Sadly you can't do much. Your mom only cooks for your lazy azz dad? Then says her much younger kids can cook for themselves? That's disgusting.
- It sounds like your physical needs are being met, but emotionally they are not. It also sounds like your mom is depressed (maybe for years) and is almost emotionally and physically absent. I wouldn't bring up the unfairness it's only making them angry and that makes it harder for you, obviously they aren't going to do anything to fix it...I would focus on what yo DO have control over like getting good grades so your future is tons better, and getting a part-time job to get out of the house and to save money and move out (and buy TONS of paper-plates!). You have the power to make your life MUCH better in the future, so keep your focus on that and just keep the peace at home as much as possible (even though it's unfair). If you can ask to go stay with an aunt or grandma for a while. I wouldn't bother seeking help through protective services (unless they become abusive or things get much worse) because your physical needs are being met so I highly doubt they would care. It would also create a huge amount of anger at you, especially if it was unnecessary. Focus on what you do have and what you can do. Good luck.
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