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Do I keep her father in her life?

here's the situation: my daughter is 16 months old. Her father and I had been dating on and off, more on than off, since before I had her, for the last 4 years. I found out recently that he had MULTIPLE women, all the while sleeping with me still. One of which I broke up with him over already because of arguments that me and her had. He assured me that they were no more and we got back together. Come to find out he was living with her and NOT the friends he said he was. Also come to find out he has his other kids (3 other kids, 2 different women) over there as WELL as with 2 DIFFERENT girls he "dates". I NEVER got on his case about money because he's finishing school and doesn't have a full time job. He does side jobs with a friend from time to time however to "pay bills", come to find out he doesn't even PAY rent where he lives. My cell phone got cut off and he called my house phone, and that's when I found out that the phone he has is in one of the girls he "dates" names! Because I wasn't in NEED of the money I never asked. The ONLY thing I asked is that she get his time. So because of that, he never felt obligated to pay. After speaking to ALL of the women in a 2 day period, I found out that he didn't even claim her to ANY of them. ALL of them had basically the same story that he told them, so there's no WAY they were lying. That's the background. Now let me get to my question. It's been a month since I found out about all this. We haven't spoken. I changed my number. Up until today when he came and left a note on my door to call him, he had made no effort to find out how she was, or if I needed any money (forgot to tell you - I got laid off 6 months ago and am collecting a measly $300 every 2 weeks from unemployment and had to move back to my mom's because I still haven't found a job and lost my place. My car note and insurance alone is $325). So now I'm struggling with this - do I let him be in her life right now? I don't trust him to take her - first of all because of all the different women he'd have her around, second of all because he got his driver's license revoked, and third of all because all he does is LIE. I can't trust him. I also can't fathom having my daughter see daddy with 3 different girlfriends a week. What does that teach her morally? He smokes weed every day. I used to too until I had her, but I don't anymore because I have a responsibility to my baby. On the flip side, how do I keep my daughter from having a father if he WANTS to see her? That doesn't register well with MY moral compass. What do I do? Do I just give him supervised visits here? I tried to offer that and he told me that I'm not going to dictate what he does with his daughter! The NERVE of this man! Do I also tell him he has to start providing for her in order to see her? It's only fair right? She is entitled. Even if it's a pack of diapers and an outfit once a month. I'm not even wanting to ask for much!! Do I tell him to pick one girl (minus the one I can't stand of course) to have her around and they can come get her and spend time with him and his other kids? I thought about that, but then how can I trust that he's not just going to have his ride around girl come pick him up and drop him off at another girls house? I found out from his other daughter's mother that her daughter was at one of the girls house watching tv in the living room and went in the room to get her dad and she caught him having sex with the girl! She's 7 years old! Please help me. I'm SO TORN right now.

Public Comments

1. take it to the courts and let him have visitation rights weather he agrees or not but you cant keep your babies father out of her life because when she gets older she'll resent you unless hes a bad father. And if you need the money then you should ask the court for child support but know that you may not get it even if the court orders him to. If i were i'd ask family for help and never ask that loser for money. You can also have a supervisor there with him when hes watching the kids by proving that hes an unfit father. But hes not worth the stress if you can find money in other places
2. This is definately a hard situation to be in. I was in it myself at one point. The real question you need to ask yourself is "Will he be a good father." It doesn't matter about the other girls. I know it sucks, but as long as you bring up your daughter correctly, this should not effect her. The fact that you and him have problems should have nothing to do with your decision because that is not fair to him. However, if you feel he will smoke weed around your child, or have sex with the women when he is supposed to be spending time with your child, then he should have supervised visits only. If you feel he is a threat to your child physically or emotionally or you feel like he will be in and out of the child's life, then you don't need him around at all. Hope this helps
3. He smokes weed & his a man whore,.hun go to court & request child support & advise the judge that he is on drugs & that you request for supervised visits,don't allow him time alone with your child,he's not a father,he's just a sperm donor,when he starts supporting his child then you could call him a dad but not necessarily a good one!!