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Why doesn't my wife understand that she needs to get a job?

We have been married for 3 years and have a 9 month old son. My wife was put on bed rest last February because of complications with the pregnancy. We ended up having our son 2 months early and to keep it brief, everything is fine with him now. Our original plan was to have her stay home until he developed enough to go to a regular daycare (no extra expenses because of special needs). We budgeted very carefully based on both of our salaries so that we could plan our future. When he pregnancy leave ran out she our son was not quite ready so we had to barely skip by on about 65% of our income and was helped out by some family members a couple times (to the tune of $6000. I think that all that did was let her know that someone will be there to bail us out. We have been barely skimping by for 5 months now and as much as I'd like to have my wife stay home to raise our son, it is NOT a feasible option, especially in these times, we're lucky that I still have a job. She has since started collecting unemployment that will run our very soon. If she doesn't have a job at the exact time that unemployment ends we are going to start loosing things. I can't get her to understand that by the time we can't pay the bills it's already too late. She has admitted that because no one is calling us about our bills, we are okay. Not only is that a god awful way to view personal finance but that leaves no room for putting anything at all towards our future which is becoming more and more important. She has always had jobs that paid very well and she doesn't understand that she doesn't need to find a huge management position, we need enough to cover daycare and at least $1000 extra a month. Don't anybody suggest that daycare is super expensive because we have researched it and found that it doesn't take an executive's position to offset the cost! Thank you very much for your input. I surely appreciate any view from outside my own situation. I have explained to her a few times my thoughts and feelings about the situation. She has had an evening job in the past and liked it but for whatever reason is not interested in that avenue right now. When we sit down and talk about it, our conversation seems very productive to the point where I think that she is going to get moving so I try to stay off her back and give her some time to work on it. A few weeks later it is very obvious that she has made no attempt to find a job. I almost wish it wasn't so easy to get unemployment, all you have to do is report to them that you tried and give them a name and number of the person you called. I have offered watch our son if we can find a schedule that doesn't take away from my current job. I even have my own landscaping business that I do by myself on weekends to bring in extra money.

Public Comments

1. Have you told her the things you've written here? Family is important, but you need to stress that with no income, then your child will suffer the consequences. Have you offered to stay home and watch the child if she can find a job with money to cover your household expenses? Ask her where the money is going to come from to feed, clothe, and house your child. Then ask her what options/ideas she has. It may come to some joint marital counselling if a resolution can't be reached. Your other option is to start cancelling things (like cable tv, cel phone, newspaper/magazine subscriptions, selling the second car if you have two, no more new clothes, no eating out). Then if she wants those things again, she'll have to work.